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The Royal Half Report: Issue #1

Friday, 06.13.2014 / 12:13 PM / Los Angeles Kings | News
By The Royal Half
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The Royal Half Report: Issue #1
To get the full effect of The Royal Half Report; videos, gifs, and all please visit LAKings.com\/royalhalfreport from your phone\/tablet browser.
Disclaimer - The contents of this page have not been reviewed or endorsed by the Los Angeles Kings Hockey Club. All opinions expressed by The Royal Half are solely (and most likely) his own and do not reflect the opinions of the Los Angeles Kings or their Hockey Operations staff, parent company, partners, or sponsors. His current whereabouts are not known to the Kings and he has no access to information beyond the access and privileges that go along with being a half-season ticket holder

TRHReport

  Oh man, summer is over already?  I feel like it was just a few weeks ago that everyone in the Los Angeles Kings Press Box was signing my NHL Yearbook.


"Wish I would have got to known you better!" - Dean Lombardi

Welcome to The Royal Half Report™... the newest feature to grace the pages of LA Kings dot com. Instead of the GAMEDAY PREVIEWS that we provided almost each game the last two seasons, this year we will take a less frequent (but just as funny... kinda) look at the LA Kings. For the Premiere Issue of TRHR... let's take a look at this past summer!

 

SUMMER RECAP 2014

  GIF That Best Represents this Past Summer for the LA Kings:

Nope.

Closer.

Not even close.

Robyn Regehr Rides with The Stanley Cup in a Ferrari - The Royal Half

Nailed it.

 

While the rest of the NHL was worrying about silly things like the draft, free agent signings or even coaching vacancies this past summer... the members of the Stanley Cup Champion Los Angeles Kings literally did not give a hoot about any of it.

Literally. Not a hoot.

Martin Jones prepares for his RFA negotiations later this year.

 

For NHL fans, late September is a time filled with potential and hope as Training Camps open and the team that you'll be cheering for the whole season starts to take shape.

But for fans of the LA Kings, recently there has been a different attitude heading into Training Camp...

MidApril

#IsItMidAprilYet?

 

I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER!

Let's check in with last season's playoff opponents of the LA Kings and see how they spent their summers!

 

SAN JOSE SHARKS:

KEY ACQUISITIONS:

More heartbreak.

 

ANAHEIM DUCKS:

BxmLO4jCYAAGtCl

Bruce Boudreau on a golf course? Why, I never!

KEY ACQUISITIONS:

This summer, the Ducks acquired most of the 2010 NHL Season.

 

CHICAGO BLACKHAWKS:

8 MORE YEARS! 8... MORE... YEARS?!?! OH GOD NO WHY!?!?!?!

KEY ACQUISITIONS:

Wait... the Blackhawks addressed an actual need over the summer? Darn, that's no fun.

 

NEW YORK RANGERS:

Who cares, they play in the East.

 

SUMMER SECRETS... REVEALED!!!

This past summer we learned a dark, dark secret that will affect the LA Kings organization and their fans for a long time...

Drew Doughty's sister named her car after Kyle Clifford.

  The other big revelation of the summer was that LA Kings forward, Jeff Carter, is now on Twitter!

"Tap, Tap" just means he was trying to score on the rebound.

Presenting the Jeff Carter Follow Power Rankings™... a look at the top accounts that Jeff Carter follows on Twitter!  

10. The Hermosa Beach Patch

CarterFollowHBPatch

How else are you going to follow what's happening in the South Bay?

9. HGTV

CarterFollowHGTV

Score goals all day, relax watching House Hunters all night.

8. LA Kings Insider

CarterFollowRosen

I only put this here to show that Carter followed Jon Rosen before he followed @LAKings.

7. Howard Stern

CarterFollowHowardStern

BABA BOOEY! Just hope Jeff doesn't take the Cup on the Howard Stern show.

6. Millionaire Life

CarterFollowMillionaire

Tyler Toffoli and Tanner Pearson aren't allowed to follow this account... yet.

5. Athletes Cars

CarterFollowCars

Wait... there are parody accounts of Athletes Cars?!?

4. Kevin Kurz

CarterFollowKurz

WUT?

You can follow him on Twitter, but just don't talk to him after the game.

3. Jerry Bruckheimer

CarterFollowJB

Can't wait till JB casts Jeff Carter in the Days of Thunder remake.

2. Megan Carter

CarterFollowMegan

Happy Wife, Happy Life, am I right?

1. Yours Truly

CarterFollowTRH

Happy Blogger, Happy Life, am I right?

  SUMMER LOVING, HAPPENED SO FAST... This summer, we lost two of the LA Kings best character players as they've moved on to the next chapter in their lives. We say goodbye to Willie Mitchell, the LA Kings resident food critic, who has retired to pursue his dream.

tumblr_nbtdsrFjLb1tebyyao1_500

Sorry, I thought moving to Florida meant you were retired. My bad.

And 3-time Stanley Cup Winner, Colin Fraser, has decided to go up against his biggest challenge yet...

...trying to not win a Stanley Cup.

  SHOOTOUT: WHO WON THE SUMMER?

FIRST ROUND: Dean Lombardi

Hmm, let's see. Everyone but 2 players are returning from the 2013-14 Stanley Cup team. Marian Gaborik was re-signed for just under $5 million dollars a year for 7 years. And everybody wants to know exactly how Dean Lombardi does it. Yeah, I'd say he had a pretty good summer.

 

SECOND ROUND: Marian Gaborik/Jeff Carter Budding Bromance

Step aside, Mike Richards... Jeff Carter could have a new best friend in town!

 

THIRD ROUND: Gustl

  WINNER OF THE SUMMER: #Gustl

KopiGustl

That's 2-time Champion #Gustl to you.



The Royal Half has been a Los Angeles Kings fan since 1988 and a Half-Season Ticket Holder since 2002. He has seen the following goaltenders play in person for the Los Angeles Kings… Kelly Hrudey, Grant Fuhr, Byron Dafoe, Jamie Storr, Stephane Fiset, Felix Potvin, Cristobal Huet, Roman Cechmanek, Mathieu Garon, Adam Hauser, Jason LaBarbera, Barry Brust, Sean Burke, Dan Cloutier, Yutaka Fukufuji, Jean-Sebastien Aubin, Erik Ersberg, Jonathan Bernier, Jonathan Quick, Ben Scrivens, and Martin Jones. If you like the hockey equivalent of dirty jokes or enjoy humorous screen-grabs of NHL players and broadcasters with funny captions... man, you are going to like The Royal Half. You can follow The Royal Half on Twitter at @TheRoyalHalf