The Royal Half Preview: Kings vs. Blues: Game 1

Tuesday, 04.30.2013 / 2:57 PM / Los Angeles Kings | News
By The Royal Half
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The Royal Half Preview: Kings vs. Blues: Game 1
Disclaimer - The contents of this page have not been reviewed or endorsed by the Los Angeles Kings Hockey Club. All opinions expressed by The Royal Half are solely (and most likely) his own and do not reflect the opinions of the Los Angeles Kings or their Hockey Operations staff, parent company, partners, or sponsors. His current whereabouts are not known to the Kings and he has no access to information beyond the access and privileges that go along with being a half-season ticket holder

Game #1

LA KINGS
27-16-5
59 pts
5th in Western Conference
vs
ST. LOUIS BLUES
29-17-2
60 pts
4th in Western Conference
 
Kings Won Regular Season Series 3-0
 
5:00pm, Scottrade Center
St. Louis, MO
PRIME TICKET, CNBC, CBC
 
BEST FRANCHISE PLAYERS TO WIN THEIR STANLEY CUPS WITH OTHER FRANCHISES:
 
 
BEST OPPOSITION BLOGS:
 
BEST OPPOSITION FANS TO FOLLOW ON TWITTER:
 
ARE THE LA KINGS IN THE NEXT ROUND?
 
The NHL Playoffs are back and the Los Angeles Kings are facing off in the first round against a very familiar opponent... the St. Louis Blues. Last season, we didn't have much time to really explore the playoff matchup between these two teams. Mainly because this happened:
 
 
Any time Dwight King does this to you, it's over.
 
Since the Los Angeles Kings have gained so many new fans this season after winning their 1st ever Stanley Cup, I thought it would be a great service to provide a refresher course on some of the differences between the NHL Regular Season and the NHL Playoffs. This article will be geared mainly to people who haven't experienced the excitement of the NHL post-season yet. 
 
 
I'm sorry... were you expecting someone else?
 
That's right, after 10 seasons, 764 NHL games and 3 NHL teams... St. Louis Blues defenseman Jay Bouwmeester is finally going to suit up for his 1st NHL Playoff game tonight in St. Louis. To put that into perspective we've created a handy-dandy Jay Bouwmeester infographic. 
 
 
So that Jay Bouwmeester and the thousands of brand new LA Kings fans won't look so confused... here are some helpful hints and tips on the differences between the NHL Regular and Playoff Season.
 
 
Nope, he still looks confused.
 
 
BEARDS
It's become a popular tradition for NHL Players to not shave and instead grow out their beards during the playoffs. This can be traced back to the 1980's New York Islanders and has become a common sight during the post-season. This could be the first big test for Jay Bouwmeester in his playoff career because much like the lack of a physical game... Bouwmeester is know for his lack of facial hair.
 
 
This photo was taken of Jay Bouwmeester last week.

 
Seriously... this guy is going to grow a beard?
 
So to help Jay Bouwmeester mentally prepare for the NHL playoffs, we ran his image through the TRH BEARD-O-SIMULATOR 3000 so that St. Louis Blues fans can get a sense of what his facial hair growth might be after 4 games.
 
 
Oops, sorry... that's the test we ran on Jamie Langenbrunner.
 
 
Oh man... have you ever seen such a pathetic playoff beard in your life?!?
 
 
Oh... this is awkward.
 
 
PHYSICAL PLAY
Sure, the NHL Regular season is filled with incredibly big hits as well as players running into other players' elbows. But when it comes to the Stanley Cup Playoffs... the physical play gets elevated and everyone is a target. Now, I realize a lot of people say that Jay Bouwmeester is a soft player that lacks physicality... but I disagree. He was actually one of the most consistent hitters on the Calgary Flames over the last few years.
 
 
Let's be honest here... if Jay Bouwmeester takes one punch at Jaroslav Halak...
 
 
...he's done for the series.
 
I don't think Jay Bouwmeester needs to be worried here. I mean, seriously... what's the worst thing that could happen to a St. Louis Blues defenseman during a playoff series with the Los Angeles Kings?
 
 
Gulp.
 
I'm sure that Jay Bouwmeester will totally be fine once he sees some post-season physical play for the first time, right? RIGHT?!?
 
 
 
These photoshops are better when this plays along with it.
 
 
HANDSHAKES
Some call the post-series handshakes between the two teams one of the best moments in all of pro sports. It's a chance for players to put their differences aside and come together as brothers in the same players union. For those that have never seen a post-series handshake... it looks something like this:
 



 
I just cried and barfed all over again.
 
Thankfully, Jay Bouwmeester has a lot of experience when it comes to handshakes. 
 
2001
 
 
Jay Bouwmeester shakes the hand of artist Joe Versikaitis after the artist paints a portrait of him.
 
2009
 
 
Some idiot GM trades for Jay Bouwmeester and promptly signs him to a 5 year, 33 million dollar contract.
 
And then in... hmm... well, I guess those are the only two times that Jay Bouwmeester has shaken a hand that was related to hockey.
 
 
THE STANLEY CUP
Even worse than going 764 games without seeing Stanley Cup Playoff action is going 3554 games without winning a Stanley Cup. 
 
 
 
Of all the teams that came into the league in 1967... the St. Louis Blues are the only one that hasn't won a Stanley Cup yet. (Sorry folks, the Vancouver Canucks came into the NHL in 1970.) So it makes perfect sense that the player who holds the NHL record for most consecutive games without making the playoffs was their big trading deadline acquisition.
 
 
FYI, this is the closest the St. Louis Blues will ever get to the Stanley Cup.
 
 
Ok... maybe this.
 
I mean... how pathetic is it that a team that came into the league in 1967 still hasn't won the Stanley Cup yet?
 
 
So pathetic.
 
 
 
THE ROYAL HALF GAMEDAY PREVIEW TWEET OF THE DAY

From two-time Stanley Cup Champion, Dustin Penner...
 
I'm gay for playoff hockey.
 
The Royal Half has been a Los Angeles Kings fan since 1988 and a Half-Season Ticket Holder since 2002. He has seen the following goaltenders play in person for the Los Angeles Kings… Kelly Hrudey, Grant Fuhr, Byron Dafoe, Jamie Storr, Stephane Fiset, Felix Potvin, Cristobal Huet, Roman Cechmanek, Mathieu Garon, Adam Hauser, Jason LaBarbera, Barry Brust, Sean Burke, Dan Cloutier, Yutaka Fukufuji, Jean-Sebastien Aubin, Erik Ersberg, Jonathan Bernier and Jonathan Quick. If you like the hockey equivalent of dirty jokes or enjoy humorous screen-grabs of NHL players and broadcasters with funny captions... man, you are going to like The Royal Half. You can follow The Royal Half on Twitter at @TheRoyalHalf